Of all the New Years’ Days I’ve experienced, today is one of
the strangest. It began with my mother in law, who is staying with us, asking
me a question. She asked me if I could remember the woman, whose name she had
forgotten, who had moved from Bank Street to the new flats. My mother in law
lives 30 miles from us, so I do not know where Bank Street is, I do not remember
the woman and I have no idea where the new flats are. But, in answer to her
question, I simply replied, yes. This was of course a lie. To have said no,
would have felt too abrupt, too brusque, rude even. My mother in law continued
on with her story about the woman and the new flats and to every question I replied
yes.
Next, I headed off in my car to pick up my 93 year old
mother. Over the course of the last few years, she has developed a shuffling
walk while simultaneously rocking from side to side. As a younger woman she was
one of the speediest walkers I’ve ever known. We were to visit my aunt, my mum’s
sister who has Alzheimer’s and is in an Elderly Mentally Infirm home. On
arrival my aunt appeared quite cheerful. A carer brought us 2 chairs and we sat
down. My aunt asked after her mother, and she asked after her younger sister,
Jean. I said both were fine. The truth is that her mum, my grandmother has been
dead 50 years and Jean, my aunt, her sister, has been dead for 30 years.
Sitting near us was a woman in a white jumper, staring
straight ahead of her and talking. My assumption was that she was just talking
to herself, as many in the home do. Something made me turn to look at the woman
opposite the woman wearing the white jumper and her expression shocked me. She
seemed very distressed. I turned again to look at the woman who I had thought
was just talking to herself. I listened hard to discover what she was actually
saying. It was this. ‘You are so ugly. I’ve never seen anyone as ugly as you. I
can’t stand to look at you. I’ll have to cover my face, so that I can’t see you.
You’re so ugly.’
This had to stop. I said to white jumper woman, ‘Excuse me, but
could you please stop saying that?’
‘Why.’ She asked. ‘Because it’s rude and you’re upsetting
the lady opposite.’ But she carried on and so I alerted a staff member who
removed the offender and gave the one who had been insulted a great big new
year hug.
As this little cameo was being played out, another woman was
shouting out that she was hungry. ‘Can someone give me something to eat,
please. I’ve been here for days and all they’ve given me is a tablet. I’ve had
nothing.’ The staff began, patiently at first, to explain that she had had lots
of meals and that soon, in 20 minutes, in fact, she would be tucking into her
dinner. She continued to tell all and sundry that she had had no food and that
she was ‘starving hungry’ and that all she had been given for days was a
tablet. She was now going to report them if she didn’t have meat, potatoes and
greens today. She did not say to whom she was going to report them.
My aunt wanted to go to the toilet, so I took her there. I
usually wait for her outside so that I can take her back to her seat. As I waited,
another resident needed the toilet. I told her that my aunt was in there. ‘How
long’s she been in? How long will she be? For crying out loud!’ She then pushed
open the door. ‘Jesus Christ! What’s she doing in there? Having a baby?’
Fortunately, a staff member led the impatient woman to another toilet.
I kissed my aunt, said I’d see her soon and my mum and I left.
I dropped her off home and arrived back to my house where we were all set to go
the cinema, though which film we were to see was undecided. A polite argument
broke out, but soon a decision was taken – Collateral Beauty. I have never seen
such abject trash in my life, despite the fact that Will Smith, Helen Mirren
and Keira Knightley are in the cast. Pleased to say I nodded off for a short
while.
My mother in law is still here. She leaves tomorrow. She is
not an easy woman. I have known her for 30 years and she always asks if I want
a cup of tea. I have never drunk tea. I cannot stand the smell of it or the
look of it mixed with milk. Tonight, I was questioned intensely as to why I didn’t
drink tea. The answer, because I don’t like it, was not sufficient. She thrust
her tea at my face and said that I should have a sip. Quite politely, I refused.
Asked a second time to have a sip, I turned the offer down, quite impolitely.
Why do people do that? Or do they? Is it just my mother in law?
It’s been a long evening but its nearly over. One amusing
aspect of the evening though was that my mother in law fancies herself as a dog
trainer, I discovered, and has spent the evening barking (haha) instructions at
my dog, who has completely ignored her. Deeply satisfying.
