I've always been interested in friendships and until I read an article recently in The Times newspaper, believed myself to be fortunate in having a good many friends. I'm still in touch with one friend from primary school. As for secondary school, a girls grammar, I went away last November for a weekend with three friends form those days. I also see a friend about four times a year who lives locally and was at my grammar school. University, Manchester by the way, provided me with three of the best friends I ever had. We're meeting at the upcoming Bank Holiday and after our meetings, I always experience a lift, an improvement in outlook and a wish to see them again as soon as we can arrange it.
Through my children's schools I met some people with whom I'm still in touch and through many years of work I have maintained contact with several people. Others, who I have met through my job, I have been very pleased not to have to deal with any more at all.
However, to return to the article, my faith in friendships has taken a bit of a hit. According to the article, half of our friends don't really like us. To prove this, some kind of complicated experiment and a further complicated survey, have been completed. The results are in and only in 53% of cases do the results coincide. So those who thought with absolute certainty that they were close friends with someone, discovered that in 53% of those named close friends, that degree of friendship was considered to be inaccurate. The names of the people in the experiment were not revealed to the participants - wisely.
So then, should we doubt what we thought were rock solid friendships? It certainly has given me pause for thought. Someone who I got to know recently is forever telling me how wonderful it would be to meet up. This has been going on for months. If I make a suggestion, nailing down a day and time when I am available to meet, I receive a message in response along the lines of not being sure, work being erratic, parents might be coming, they might be going away, the decorators are coming in, but not sure when. And on and on it goes. I'm done. I've made three attempts to organise a meeting and it is now down to the other person. I'm not too worried about this. These things happen. I never considered this person a friend, at least not yet, never mind a close friend.
Now, after having read the article, when I see those who I consider to be good or even close friends, I may well scrutinise what they are saying, study their facial expressions and observe their body language. I wonder if they will notice that I'm doing this and if so, will they ask me what on earth I'm doing? That would be awkward. Will I explain that I'm checking on them for real, true friendship? No. I'll probably just deny it, ask them what they're talking about and then try to behave normally.
Perhaps there will be no need to go through all this. And that is because you know in your heart who a true friend is, one who will defend you, even when you're not there to witness it. Don't you?
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