Ched Evans and a little redemption.

I feel confident that you will have heard of Ched Evans. He is the footballer who has been convicted for rape and who has served two and a half years of his five year sentence. Many people want to bring back hanging, the stocks, tar and feathering for Ched Evans alone.

Before continuing I must make it clear that rape is a heinous crime. Nothing will change my mind on that.

Ched Evans has always denied he committed rape, which explains why he has neither shown remorse, nor apologised to his victim. The victim, at the time of the rape, claimed that she was almost unconscious, but if you watch the video of her walking into the hotel and passing reception, she is not falling over nor does she seem in the least bit drunk. She is carrying a pizza, then remembers that her handbag is still in the taxi. She dashes to the taxi, then retrieves her bag.

Furthermore, she has claimed rape before and the most cynical amongst us might believe that she was on the make: she wanted to accuse a relatively high profile sportsperson in order to bolster her bank account. Some say she has done this previously and settled out of court.

So, should Ched Evans play football ever again? Well, it seems his chances of playing for Sheffield United again, the club he played for at the time of his conviction, are nil. However, after forays of international interest, it appears that Oldham Athletic will sign him tomorrow.

And I, for one, am glad. Not just glad for the individual but for the fact that Oldham have had the courage, the sheer gumption to defy the petition their fans have handed in and to let the young man play.

Ched Evans, if he did commit rape, raped one person, one time, when he was twenty-three years old. Those people who are demanding his head, and demanding he never play football again, must not believe in redemption. If we do not believe in and do not apply redemption that means that most of us are to be condemned forever for the crimes we have committed. Prisons would be even more overcrowded, forgiveness, a major tenet of all major religions, would be ignored and no one would ever deserve a second chance. What kind of a world would that be?

Those who say Ched Evans should not be able to play football because footballers are role models, really need to do some research. There are numerous high profile players who have committed crimes; some have been charged with GBH, others drunk driving and in one case, causing the death of two young children by dangerous driving. These people are not role models, yet they play in the highest level of English football.

If Ched cannot play football as his job, would his enemies like to draw up a lst of jobs he can do? What exactly should he be allowed to do? The fact is that whether he may or may not be guilty, he will be chastened.

The fallout from all this must have an effect on his family and his loyal girlfriend, many who say, quite cruelly, that she is a Stepford wife. I am certain that his mother in particular, must be suffering. In her eyes, no doubt, her son has been to prison and he has served his time. All mothers and fathers must be relieved when their son or daughter's sentence is served.

I am a Sheffield United supporter and have frankly been ashamed of some of my fellow fans, including Jessica Ennis and Dave Berry. Why have they come out as judge and jury? In Ennis's case I would be happy to see her name removed from the stand as I do not know what it is doing there in the first place. I am not on my own in this opinion. 'The Blades' have a proud history and it would be much more relevant to have a footballer's name on that stand. There are plenty from which to choose.

The people who are sending death threats to Ched Evans and those, like me, who stick their neck out to wish him the best, at least believe in second chances. How foolish the screamers and screechers against Ched Evans will look if or when Ched Evans wins his appeal. Or when they themselves are found wanting in a serious way. A major tenet of Christianity is 'Judge not that ye be not judged.' I agree with that, even though I am not a Christian

As for Oldham, I would like to congratulate the club for taking Ched on in the face of such negativity. and opposition. I also hope that Ched is in the form of his life and bangs in goals for Oldham left, right and centre.

The Truth, the whole Truth and nothing but the Truth

 My mother told me, with absolute conviction, that you should always tell the truth. My mother along with hundreds of thousands of other mothers, delivered that message to their offspring, fully convinced that they were doing the rock solid Right Thing by their offspring.

But, would you give that advice to your children now? Well, maybe most parents would, when children are very young but later, when the offspring are in their teens, surely it would be better to warn your offspring that, quite frequently, to lie is the best course of action, especially where people’s feelings are involved.

The Truth is a subjective concept. This notion struck me when, as a teenager, and in the sixth form, a friend began to describe a night out she and I had had. As she talked I listened in disbelief, wondering if I had actually lost my mind and had not, after all, been there with her. As she continued, employing superlatives every other word, she looked at me as if to say, why are you not joining in my report? I smiled, pathetically and realized that she was in fact, being sincere. So, out of some sort of loyalty for our friendship, I gradually became more animated and joined in, adding phrases such as, ‘Yes, it was great, really good,’ and ‘Can’t wait to go there again.’

The truth, at least, my truth, was that the night was OK, but nothing much more. It was not even pretty good - it was just OK. My friend had either never experienced the joy of a good night out, or her expectations were set very low. Another possibility could be that I was a profoundly unsatisfied person, nothing was ever good enough for me and I should be more appreciative of the social opportunities that came my way.

The concept of truth is a very important one; one upon which the principles of law depend. The jury, all twelve who are signed in, are instructed that they must find the truth.  The prosecution and the defence must do likewise. A mistake can lead to a wrongful conviction; or a guilty person walking free. 

 In my twenties I had a friend who was one of the most generous people I have ever known. She told me of her family background, her wealthy parents, the boarding school she attended until the age of sixteen and the horses she had owned and loved.

Later, I discovered, by means of a mutual friend, that this life that she had constructed for herself was pure fiction. She lived in council house in Stockport with her mum and disabled sister. She was a persistent credit card fraudster and a shoplifter, which might have explained her generosity. The thing is though, that without her horses and general ‘romancing’ a euphemism for lying, I would have liked her just as much, if not more, because I would have felt empathy for her real situation whereas I was rather in awe of the horses and the boarding school. It saddens me to think that she felt she had to invent and embellish in this way, for us to like her.

Truthfulness is of great importance but there seems to be, quite often, instances where the truth is amorphous and often hard to pin down. That said, we know, each of us does, what the truth really is. Apart from necessary white lies, such as telling a friend who has spent a fortune on a dress, that she looks lovely, when really we do not believe that that is the case, we all know when we are telling the truth and when we are distorting the truth and producing a version of the truth which better suits us. And who has never done that?

Death and dying - my friend has six months.

At the weekend, I found out that my friend, of many many years is dying of lung and liver cancer. We met at a cafe and the first thing she said was that she was so pleased that she and her husband, who split up five years ago, were back together. 'We were both stupid, proud and trying go make a point.'

She said that now, with just six months left on this earth, she realised it didn't matter who did the ironing and who cleaned the toilet. All that mattered, she asserted, was that you looked after each other, had mutual respect and told each other how you were feeling. For example, if you have had a bad day at work, or performed badly in an interview, don't just sulk, leaving the other one to wonder what he/she had done wrong and feeling unjustly treated and  resentful - speak and explain. She advised too that you don't blab to your friends all the ins and outs of your relationship. Sometimes your confidantes can come back to bite you. Intriguing...

I was intrigued and as she talked I was overwhelmed by the calm way she talked and smiled even - and laughed! I even began to wonder if she was not dying, if she had been cured. I gathered myself and asked her how she was. 'I'm ok. I've had almost two years to get used to this. There is no doubt it changes you, makes you think differently and though I am afraid of how I might die, I am not afraid of being dead. It'll happen to all of us.'

'How is your mum taking it?' I dare to ask.

''It's awful for her - just awful. She tries so hard not to cry but she cries all the time. She wishes it was her and not me. This is one of those times, when I wish I had a sibling.'

'Do you think that would make any difference to your mum?' I asked.

'She would have someone to comfort her, someone to live for. All she has now, or will have in a few months, is a dead daughter.' She looked very troubled for a few seconds, then pulled herself back into the moment.  

What was so troubling and paralysing in our conversation was the realisation that I could not ask any questions about the future, or talk about my future, and was very aware to try not to mention it. So many of our conversations are to do with our future plans, including holidays, Christmas, hoping for a better job, moving house or considering a new pet. Everything about our lives presumes a future.

She had to go, she was going to the hospital for a 'procedure' - some small operation which would make her more comfortable. We hugged and I cried. She smiled. 'Remember me smiling - please. And healthy looking not this skeleton I have become. Oh, and at the funeral, please wear something brightly coloured.' And she left.

I was at work the next day, when my mobile rang. It was lunch time. My friend's husband told me that she had died, her body wasn't strong enough to withstand the small operation. Her death was very peaceful.'

At the funeral, which was very well-attended, I wore a bright blue dress. No one was in black. She would have loved it.

We share the planet with animals - not ours to abuse

On Twitter, many organisations and individuals are involved in preventing animal cruelty. On Facebook too, there are many contributors concerned with preventing cruelty to animals as well as gaining convictions for those who somehow think they have the rightt to inflict cruelty on a sentient, living being Consequently, I see photographs and videos that people post online to show the world the true horror and scale of animal cruelty.

I will not describe the pictures to you here - I will spare you that horror, but I will say that the cruelty depicted of all sorts of animals suffering, and suffering so badly, stays with you. Once seen, you cannot unsee. Strangely though, I am glad that I have seen them. Those images stay with you and spur you on to do what you can to prevent animal cruelty. Shocking, chilling and even frightening though the images are,  and such a damning indictment on humanity, nevertheless, knowing what is happening creates groups of people who are determined to do all they can to prevent cruelty to one more animal.

Some people seem to labour under the delusion that animals are there for human use entirely, for those who so wish to abuse them because they are 'only animals.' Animals are sentient, feeling and often intelligent beings. If you have ever owned a dog and looked into its eye you will immediately understand that that dog has a soul and can be loyal, protective and tuned into your moods.

Such horrors happen to animals that we should all be ashamed of. How will history judge us? Bull fighting? Really? Did they allow that? Barbarians!

As Mahatma Ghandi said - 'The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way it treats it animals.' Just so.

Roxy, the boxer dog from Bristol who was starved to death

You might have read about this case - a case of deplorable animal cruelty by a Bristol trainee solicitor.

This woman, left her own house to go and live with her mother. She packed her stuff up and moved in. Naturally, her mother asked about the dog. Katy Gammon lied and said that her ex-boyfriend had the dog, Roxy.

Neighbours began to complain about the smell coming from the house she had left, along with the huge number of flies, and phoned the police. The RSPCA were then contacted and made a tragic heartbreaking discovery. Roxy was dead. She had been shut in the kitchen with no food and no water. She had been there for ten weeks.  She had been starved and dehydrated to death.

Disturbingly, this woman had had two offers from people to take the dog in and look after her, but she had turned then down.

 The most chilling aspect of this case is that this woman had piled dog food and dog treats just outside the kitchen Roxy was shut in. She had rigged up a length of rope between the kitchen door and some hooks in the hallway, to ensure the kitchen door was kept closed. Why leave the food just out of reach?

Katy Gammon was sentenced to just eighteen weeks in prison. I hope there are some animal lovers there...

Norris and Mary - characters or caricatures?

To begin with, Norris - is he is a true character or just a caricature? Well, some of his reactions are what might be called and understood as 'typical' Norris, including his busy-bodying and his lust for gossip. These aspects of Norris and are so predictable that he is at these times presented as a caricature. To be a character a person needs some depth and in his dealings with Rita, Norris is clearly a character.

His attachment to Rita has been quite a torment for him and indeed for us too. Does he love Rita as a friend? Is he in love with her? They must know each other inside out having worked alongside each other at The Kabin for decades - seeing each other at their best and at their worst - tired, angry, frustrated - they will have seen it all from each other.

Rita and Norris have their roles - Rita - the one in charge, the wise one, the tolerator of Norris. Norris is the tolerated one the nuisance, the one who sees the worst in everyone and telling them about it, and let's not forget, the tormentor and love object of Mary.

Mary's name is always accompanied by words such as weird, odd, strange and creepy.  It's a shame though because she is undeniably different, even unique and she does offer such huge comedy potential. Her uniqueness is genius. Whoever created the character of Mary deserves many congratulations. So is she a character or a caricature? Certainly there is a predictability about how she behaves and she does live in a motor home. She has great cooking skills too, but what makes her a real character is how tenderly she cared for Dev's children and how sensitively she handled her responsibilities to make things as easy as possible for Dev as he dealt with his own grief and tried to manage the children's grief.

Mary's attachment to Norris is baffling - to all but her. That said, she is not totally blind to his faults and has been known to berate him and to point out his idiocies. Yes she did try to seduce Roy, but soon realised what a pointless task that was. Devoted to Hayley as we knew he was, we never feared for a moment that Mary would take him from her.

Now though, in an attempt to take Roy's mind off Hayley and provide distraction ad mental stimulus, she  plays chess with Roy - with no designs on him.

 Whatever they are, Norris and Mary are invaluable to our favourite Street.

Friends

Friend is a word we all use quite loosely to describe someone we know and their relationship to us. We may only have spoken to them a couple of times, but they quickly gain the status of a friend, because to say that someone is a woman/man I have known for a while, we're not close, but we pass the time of day and we both support Sheffield United, is a little too long-winded to explain who they are, so friend fits the bill.

My brother and his wife don't really have friends. They know a lot of people but my brother and his wife are with each other all the time.  They do not seek time away from each other - ever. In fact, they do whatever they can to spend every minute of the day together. I have often thought that if they each walked their (very lazy) dog separately, that the dog would benefit from two walks, rather than the inadequate one that it has currently.

My mother pointed out to me, from a young age, that I was very lucky because I had a lot of friends and was gregarious. She's right. To this day I have been lucky to have such great friends. Along the way you lose some as your circumstances change and you are very busy with work and looking after children. Or sometimes, we just grow out of each other, no harsh feelings, it's just how it is.

This weekend I met up with the 'girls' I was at school with from age 11. I had been in touch with them  on and off since leaving school, for big birthdays ending in a 0, weddings and so on. But never had the four of us met, not at a birthday or wedding, but just because we wanted to. We met in a cafe and stayed there for 5 and a half hours. During that time we had several drinks and lunch and filled each other in about the ups and downs of our lives.

It was great. I felt very at ease -as at ease as I did with these 3 when we were at school together, decades ago.  Next year, it's a long weekend away.  Can't wait!