Are We Responsible for the Happiness of Others?

If your best friend is unhappy because of a broken relationship, a problem at work or a bereavement, how far should you feel duty bound to help your friend feel better? Or do you think that you have no responsibility at all?

 What if it's your wife/husband/partner? What about if one of your siblings, or one of your parents is miserable, would you drop everything to help? Worst of all, what if one of your children is unhappy, deeply unhappy? If your child is young, then there are a variety of ways in which you can help. They are with you most of the time if they are very young  and even teenagers are with you for a fair proportion of their time.

When 'children' grow up and something awful happens, that is the time when a parent's ability to help is much more limited, unless it's just a question of money. That said, you might not have any money to spare and anyway, the lack of money in your offspring might be symptomatic of something else, a bigger problem, a gambling habit,drug, shoe or alcohol problem.

Not having money to spare is different from not having any money. Should you go as far as to sell your car, your house, put your expensive jewellery on eBay or take on an additional job? Or should you do none of these things, believing that whoever it is in difficulty, should sort themselves out and that by depending on others, it is merely delaying the moment when the individual addresses the problem head-on and sets in motion what needs to be done to make better the difficulty, no matter what it is.

If a friend is utterly heartbroken, inconsolable about the break up of a relationship, how far does it behove you as a friend to be available for late night phone calls, visits, even spending Christmas with your friend, along with your relatives - after all it's just one more plate setting.

Many will say they couldn't possibly do that, but what if your distraught friend has no one else to go to, and has asked you to let them be with you for Christmas, maybe stay until a couple of days after Boxing Day because they regard you as a true friend. Oh and yes of course there's New Year so might it be a good idea to stick around until New Year and in return for your hospitality, they promise to help with domestic chores.

Is it then the case that you like them but just not that much or are you making excuses of the kind that your children now in their twenties, who have been abroad for some time and have actually come home to spend time with you, not, with someone who, in their view, is nothing more than a morose-looking, random stranger.

So, assuming you want to, how should you go about being a friend in general and helping a friend in need, in particular? Is it the case that we only want to be around our friends when they are amusing, interesting and not wallowing in the slough of despond?

And what about family? Is helping someone, whether that is financially or by giving your time, counter-productive? Should people not stand on  their own two feet? They may be your children, but haven't you done enough? Isn't it your time now, not their time again? When, if ever, does the parental role end? When should it end? Perhaps it should never end. We can only hope that they will have their own children to experience what it's like.

As for friends - well I don't have the answer - though I wish I did.