Does Having Children Make You Happy?

I've often wondered what the answer to this question is. I have three children  - well they are no longer children. They are, in fact,  31, 29 and 25. Despite their ages, their childhoods seem such a short time ago. And I miss them. I miss my little children. I am also mightily proud of them and enjoy their company. But, I am confused now as to what my role is. It is inappropriate to tell them off in the way I did when they were children. They are adults. They have their own views, which, despite my being their mother, do not always coincide with mine. And why should they? They are their own people and can and do think for themselves. So, I suppose my role now is to be a kind of critical friend. I will tell them what I think if and only if, I believe that what they are thinking of doing is not for their own good.

I worry about them. They are staggered by this and a little annoyed, I sense.   They ask what I worry about and they tell me, when they hear my answers, that I am catastrophizing in my usual over-dramatic way. I cant help it though. My main worry is that they will be out late one night, a bit the worse for wear,  and will be attacked. One of my children lives in London, one in Manchester and the other in Sheffield, where  I live. These are all big cities and the chances of terrorist attacks are greater in densely populated areas. So I worry.

A philosopher once said that you can only be as happy as your unhappiest child. What wisdom! What a fundamental truth. When children are young you can meddle, you can interfere in their lives and you can put things right. When children are grown you cannot have their middle aged mother barging in and telling bosses, friends or whoever to stop doing whatever it is they are doing that is upsetting your 'child.'

A survey showed that once the excitement and euphoria of the birth is over, then there is no difference in the happiness stakes between those who have children and those who remain childfree. Very interesting. This result does not say whether or not those who are childfree are so by choice. Maybe they were included and maybe people become reconciled to their lives without children, even if they had originally wanted them. Those people would be richer, have more time and more than likely, worry free. Or not. Worrying is part and parcel of life whether or not you have children to worry about. Childfree people will no doubt worry about other things.

Family days out, in my experience are not the happiest moments. In fact, I can remember some horrific days out. Cross words, shouting - being sick, getting the 'face on' eating the rubbish on sale at Theme Parks and the like. And a lot of money spent on the misery. The best times are the ones that are unplanned. It's a moment of coming together, laughing at the same thing, an enjoyable conversation, or a moment of understanding.

So, to address the initial question, and I can only speak for myself, I know that if I had not had children, happiness, for me, would be hard to come by.