Such a Sad Day

Today I visited my 90 year old aunt who is now in a care home for the Elderly Mentally Infirm - EMI. The staff were lovely, it has to be said. As I searched the room for my aunt, it was hard to single her out amongst the silver heads sitting in chairs, heads lolling, mouths open, mostly napping.

There she was. I gasped at the change in her in just three days. Three days ago, though she wasn't doing brilliantly, she was better than this. On reaching her, her eyes seemed to be misted. unseeing, dead. I was surprised then, as she lifted her head and said, 'Hello Ruth love.' A lump in my throat, tears pricking my eyes, I had all on to utter, 'Hello Auntie Pat, how are you?'
Her reply broke my heart. 'I don't know where I am.'

Of course, I told her where she was but she couldn't grasp it. I took her for a short walk, out in the fresh air. She asked me if I'd seen her sister, Jean, who had been dead for thirty years. I may have been wrong but I told her that Jean was fine. She liked that. She also asked how Michael was but I had no idea who he was. When she was younger my aunt was very glamorous and attracted a lot of boyfriends. I wondered if Michael was an old boyfriend. I asked her who he was and what he looked like. She said he was in his twenties, tall and dark and was wearing a brown jacket. I told her I would look out for him. She smiled.

After a while she asked if she could lie down. I took her to her room and helped her lie down on the bed. Within seconds her eyes closed. I stayed a while, cried a little, then left. The guilt at leaving her there was overwhelming.

I'll go to see her again in a couple of days. It's no fun for me, but for her? I can only imagine...